A Post About Climbing (that's really about writing)...

Climbing is my soul-sport.

But it only became this once I learned how to overcome the fear of leaving the ground. Once I learned to trust the rope, to trust the smear of the shoe, the attention of my belay.
I fell in love, and love is often a challenge.

I know this next part will make ya'll think I'm blowing so much smoke out my ass, I could be a five-alarm fire, but listen...

I've only top-roped.

Yeah. Top-roping. Where you are always on the rope. Where you never take that big risk, because the rope is always there to trust. It's like riding a bike with training wheels.

Until this last climbing weekend, when I took the training wheels off and about swore off climbing.

Me leading on Daisy Cutter (5.7)

Come close. I'll tell you a secret about climbing.

Leading (placing the rope as you go) is pretty much the same thing as top-roping.
But it's also completely different.

Top-rope you battle the wall most.
Lead you battle yourself more.


I'll be honest-- in West Virginia I had one onsight that I completed. I almost panicked. The fear is so much bigger. But fear of what? Essentially it's the same. I know how to fall. I've fallen before. I will always be falling. You have to fall as a climber, otherwise you never get anywhere. But it was different. I didn't even trust the things I previously trusted. Suddenly I was scared shitless about the rope. My knots. The bolts. I didn't trust my fingers in a bomber hold. I didn't trust locking my entire arm into a crack! I hung onto the wall when I was anchored to it.

The climb pictured above was even worse. I didn't finish it. I got to the final bolt and said-- nope. (I did lead two middle bolts). It was a 5.7, a grade I'm solid at.
After that climb, I went up a 5.10 on top-rope and worked through the crux, taking multiple falls, but getting it.

It's all mental.

My skills are there. I know what I'm doing. I've practiced. I'm there.
But I won't send it if I can't overcome my fear of a fall and keep moving up the wall.

And this moment in my climbing life came at the same time in my writing life.